Flaps and Folds

Sue Seboda, April 15,2021

I came by my vanity late in life.  It was a match made in heaven but, sadly, a notable problem has developed.  How does one reconcile being vain with the advent of old lady skin?   I stare at my arms and legs with a macabre fascination wondering what old fart has snatched my body.  Is there a deeper reason I have a newfound affinity for alligators?  What are we going to do about the grievous loss of our young girl skin? 

Denial.  Initially I figured I would do what all the woke kids do – identify as a younger person.  It did not work.  That pesky old bugger reality intruded on this fantasy and old lady skin is still advancing regardless of my feelings.  

Anger.  Our high degree of Irishness has always been a source of pride in the family.  But I am here to tell you that Irish skin does not hold up well.  Aside from rosacea and myriad other skin conditions, flaps and folds are developing that are most distressing.  Why oh why didn’t our ancestors marry a Mediterranean or two to bolster that fragile Irish skin?  

Bargaining.  Please God, if I work out every day, will you stop this?  How about if I promise never to go in the sun again?  How about random acts of kindness in the shade standing on my head?  No?  Can you slow it down at least?  Come on man, please?  

Depression.  Skip this step.  

Acceptance.  I am poor at accepting something as distasteful as old lady skin but I figured perspective would be most helpful. Have a good look around and a remarkable discovery will occur.  Young girl bottoms are on full display.  These bottoms are every size and shape with varying degrees of unattractive cellulite assaulting the eyes.  Nobody cares.  Bingo!  If young girl bottoms are OK what could possibly be wrong with a bit of old lady skin? 

The answer is simple, vanity has to go and sleeveless shirts can stay.  Reality wins.  But does that mean we roll over and turn into old ladies?  NO.  While we have to accept old lady skin, I will never accept old lady muscles.  Work out.  Stay active.  Strong muscles will keep us young in all the important ways.  Yes, the skin will flap and fold in the gym.  Don’t look at it.  

Anything else to be done?  Old lady skin appears first in the areas of greatest sun damage.  (Take note young sun worshippers.)  To avoid further damage and dehydrating the skin, I have succumbed to the unstylish ugly Columbia shirt when stuck under a hot sun.  Sigh.  When hiking or out shooting, I upgrade to the slightly more stylish Patagonia shirt.  I have always been a big fan of lotions and potions.  They clearly didn’t do their job but they do temporarily make things look better or make me feel better, not sure which.  Proper hydration in and out is key as is a healthy diet which is good for everything.  

The bottom line?  If you got it, flaunt it.  

Recommendations:

• Exercise is the fountain of youth.  If need motivation and live in Key West, I highly recommend Dante Harper who runs Flex Key West, 1204 White Street.  There is something for everyone at Flex with approximately 9 thirty minute classes daily including strength, cardio, boxing and abs.  If you are uncomfortable with in person training, Dante also streams classes.  If in Annapolis, try JD Adamson, the Fitness Studio of Annapolis, who is also excellent.  He offers traditional individual training and I promise you will see results. 

• Lotions and Potions.  Everybody’s skin is different so what works for me may not be ideal for someone else.  Having said that I am a huge fan of Eminence products and slather them on liberally.  For sensitive rosacea prone skin, the Calm Skin line is ideal.  For sunscreen I wear Ulta MD physical defense and Eminence Red Currant Protective Moisturizer.  For body cream I like Epionce Medical Barrier Cream and for hands the magical Refissa. 

• More aggressive treatments.  There appears to be nothing logical for the arms and legs although you can get an arm lift if want to lose two months of your life and have a big ole scar running down your arm.  Far more can be done for the face and neck from noninvasive to completely invasive.  If interested in this route, make an appointment with the most highly skilled cosmetic dermatologist and/or plastic surgeon in your area and examine what makes sense, if anything, for you.